veritas

your compass is working just fine

It’s insane to me that it’s already 2025, and Israel is still doing whatever the fuck it wants. Were the Nazis this fucking blatant in the 1940s?

Friends, I tried to write something palatable, something quiet and poetic. But my jaw is tight, eyes laser focused, and my fingertips are tapping away on the keyboard in flurries.

Rage is holy too.

So grab your drink, and join me for we are going in. Today’s offering is going to burn the throat as it goes down; I am going to remind you that that clutch of the heart you feel when your eyes glance quickly over certain posts is not to be ignored. I am going to ask you not to lose your humanity when others have forsaken theirs. Your humanity — your capacity to feel, empathize, and also act with conviction even when your hands are shaking — is the only worthy thing a person should aim to hold on to.

We are witnessing a brutal genocide via our phones, 4K UHD. Correction: genocides. And much to the powers-that-be’s dismay, their once trusty propaganda doesn’t work because first, it’s bad on a technical level. Flooding social platforms with bots running on exposed scripts won’t do you any favors, much like a retailer banking on the same tactic ends up shooting themselves in the foot. And second, this isn’t the 1990s. We don’t go to the bought-out news channels to find out what is happening in the world. Heck, not even domestically. When devastating Hurricane Helene touched ground on the Carolinas, I went directly to TikTok (back when it was not under fascist hands) to hear from the people themselves. Plus we don’t trust our leaders. Oh WMDs, they say? Last time one of them said that, it ended with over a million Iraqis dead so they better show proof, and show it fast. Also, now that they mention Iranian WMDs, can they confirm what we already know? Yea, the part they keep shoving under the rug: Israel has had nukes since day one. Are we going after them too? No? Oh, of course not. Silly me. USA + Israel = 4eva.

I work a lot and somehow feel like I am running in circles. Rising cost of living, overwhelming news domestically (the ICE raids in Chicago are horrific), and globally (every day, I feel like Netanyahu and his cursed administration think up new ways to be crueler; these people should be locked up in Tartarus ffr, for their own sake), plus whatever I am dealing with at the moment: good, bad, and everything in between. I am a good citizen, a sweet neighbor, a good friend. I am relatively obedient, but hey, what do we do when the soul is saying, “Psst, listen. LISTEN. Something is not right, and you do have agency.” What do we do then?

When the events of October 7 happened, I was confused. Before then, I had only heard of Palestine in passing. I have friends with Pali blood, well-to-do members of the diaspora, and I didn’t quite understand. They seemed to be doing okay.

But something felt very off. Israel is notoriously shifty with data, history, and evidence. Also, who the fuck holds a rave miles away from a concentration camp?

The numbers of Israeli casualties rose. Then halved. Then shifted again. Eventually, we found out most of the casualties were IOF, inflicted by their own: Apache helicopters, destroyed CCTV, the works. Something, something Samson Option, Plan Dalet, Haavara Agreement, Nakba. The information has always been there. I felt like I lifted a heavy rock and underneath was nothing but writhing rot. Has this really been happening for years while I lived relatively carefree, traveling between the US, Latin America, and Europe?

My worldview? Rocked.

I followed inklings. I read (still do; Said, Finkelstein — I love you). I weighed the words being said... and I was, am, horrified. But the plunge didn’t stop there. I saw things I NEVER thought I’d see in this lifetime.

Look me in the eye and mutter about hostages again — but first, ask Netanyahu why he kills his own — and know that what scrolls through my mind while you mumble stale, old-ass Hasbara script are videos of:

A child without a head, held up by a father stunned beyond grief in Rafah.

Men peacefully walking down the seashore, suddenly obliterated by a bomb.

A Taehyung BTS photo card found in the rubble of what once was a home — that ARMY member is no longer with us.

A weekday list taped to a hospital wall labeled terrorist activity by global media conglomerates (BRO! Did they forget a lot of people can read Arabic?!).

The IOF luring purposefully starved Palestinians with “aid,” only to open fire on them. Multiple times.

The forced migration from one end of the Gaza Strip to the other, then back again.

And more.

It’s like I’m narrating a Hitler fever dream.

Jesus... Has our world really come to this?

I donated to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund. I followed the Jewish Voice for Peace from the get-go and lent my support. I wore my keffiyeh despite the fear that someone might spit on me (no one did; in fact, it encouraged others to wear their own).

I moved information online with celerity and precision.

I called the White House¹ every lunch break for six months. I called my senators too. That got demoralizing fast. The only bright light? One of my House reps. Everyone else is a sellout. Or so supremely blackmailed that they’re basically puppets, even Bernie. What absolute shills. To the MAGA camp, I ask this: how is this “putting America first”? Explain to me why an Israeli has free healthcare and billions in American foreign aid, but most Americans can’t afford insurance and live paycheck to paycheck. Hmm?

In the realm of the astral, of course I executed rituals, powerful ones still active to this day.

Circumstances eventually forced me to tend to myself again. I was running myself ragged. My thinking? Imagine those actually living in the horror! I still have my hand on the world’s pulse, but I came to terms with the truth: I can’t give out of an empty cup. I reluctantly retreated momentarily and focused on personal finances, my mental health, and figuring out next steps with my boyfriend who lives across the Atlantic.

I think what makes people afraid to speak out is that Zionists are unhinged. Remember the attacks on college students at Columbia University? Ex-IOF members sprayed protestors with a substance they use with glee on Palestinians. That attack would have been considered domestic terrorism were it anyone else. Mass media sure swept that one under the rug quick. They can be violent — are violent — and what makes it worse is that it’s sanctioned. Just look at how the U.S. votes in the UN. You’d think Israel was the 51st state but with better perks lmao.

It’s terrifying to realize that there are IOF soldiers walking around in plain sight, sipping overpriced lattes, shopping for succulents, moving through the world as if they didn’t leave horror in their wake. I remember once, back in late fall of 2023, I sold a cactus to one at the flower shop where I worked. I had a feeling. His accent gave him away anyhow. He was hesitant to say where he was from (I asked), but when he confirmed it, my blood ran cold.

And still, I smiled. I handed over the pot gently, like I didn’t want to scream. Because what else could I do? I needed the job. I had a sweet coworker next to me that I wanted to protect in case anything happened. And I was already seen.

These moments wedge themselves under the skin. What happens when the body is obedient but the soul is done submitting to what’s blatantly wrong? I think about that all the time. So yeah. I understand. We do care. But at times you look away because you’re scared and overwhelmed. Sometimes I am scared and overwhelmed too.

I’m not here to offer false closure nor a quick fix. In fact, there’s a lot I haven’t touched on in this essay — there is so much to say. This immense injustice doesn’t end neatly. It won’t. Not until the bombs stop, the land is returned, the bodies are buried with dignity, and the living are free to live on their native land without fear of imprisonment, rape, starvation, and continued apartheid. Not until the western world confesses just how evil we have been to the global majority and pays reparations. The USA and its compulsory allies keep on making their list of debts long... and they will eventually have to pay out. Empires run on spilled blood like this can’t sustain themselves indefinitely. They may have to clear the ledger earlier than they thought too, for they don’t really treat their own citizens well either. It’s almost like their blindness is barreling them forward towards the end they are trying desperately to avoid.

But I am here to tell you: once you see, you can’t unsee. To see is not a curse. It’s the beginning of your awakening. Don’t let this world dull your intuitive edge, or tell you this is all just too complicated to understand. It’s not. Let your grief be a conduit for clarity. Let your anger surface and affirm your suspicions that what is happening isn’t right. Allow the fear to walk beside you. Doing things we know we should do while scared is still brave.

Personally, I have never been shy to pursue knowledge and stand by what is right. My internal fire perennially burns bright — sometimes too bright for the blaze eats me from the inside when the holy rage and deep grief reaches new levels. What I’ve noticed, in full transparency, is the hesitation to speak louder. So fuck it, here it is. I am not alone. You are not alone either. I look around and see many like me, like us, eyes and souls lucid. We don’t want to live in a society that constantly tramples over justice, even if we, those who live in the belly of the beast, benefit from it.

So trust that beating organ within you — the heart, your compass. Your compass is working just fine. You just have to heed it. Stay human, and set sail towards what’s just. One day, our children will look to us and ask why we didn’t stop this sooner. And I (and my partner) will say: “Right. We asked ourselves that too. We witnessed the most evil of evils, but we also saw great courage. As they say, courage was made in Palestine. We did everything we could to help re-balance the skewed scales of justice. Which is why², we can say now: Palestine is free, healthy, and thriving. As is the Congo, Yemen, and the rest of the world.”

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1. This was under the Biden administration. I’m telling you: both parties work for the same people, and newsflash, it’s not the American citizenry, much less the rest of the world.

2. In whatever point in the future this conversation takes place.